I'm Letting Go...

Verse of the Week:

"Lift up your heads, you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in."
- Psalm 24:7


Song of the Week:

Wow. I apologize for the lateness of this blog post. This week has been full of ups and downs for me.... which is no excuse for neglect in other areas of my life... but I like to attempt to use it as one sometimes.

This song by The Afters is a song that I've always liked, but it really resonated within my own heart and experiences this week.

"Your love catches me... so I'm letting go."

Really? Letting go?.... uhhhhh, I don't know about you, but letting go is scary to me. I don't want to release the control that I think I have. Some of my reasons are selfish. Some of my reasons are fear based. And still more of my reasons stem from my pride.

Sometimes I don't think I'm trying to control anything, but the deep fear within my heart tells me otherwise. This week I've been learning to ask God to reveal to me what I'm still trying to control - even if I can't identify it myself.

For it is in our letting go that the lifting up happens.

Crying silently I am

As I remember you once again

Wish you were here to see what I see

But this cup again, I’ll drink to thee…

These were words that I penned on the back of a bulletin during a church service a few weeks ago.

Tears rolled down my face, as I let my mind dwell on what could have been.

If things wouldn’t have happened like they did, I could still go home to the family I’ve always known. If things would have gone better, perhaps my relationship with my sister wouldn’t be so strained. If things had turned out differently, I would still be able to buy a Mother’s Day card every year. If God would have intervened, I would have a contact in my cell phone labeled “mom”.

If things had happened differently…

… But they didn’t.

Five years ago today – my mom died of cancer - and the plan that I had always imagined for my life died along with her.

When I was a young girl, I would always dream about the day that I would walk down the aisle and marry the man of my dreams. My mom would always look me directly in the eye and say “I will be at your wedding – no matter who you decide to marry. You can count on me to be there.” So when God decided that it was her time to leave the earth on November 7, 2006 – I was sixteen years old… and nowhere close to marriage. In my book, it was too soon. Didn’t God know that she had promised to be at my wedding?

My worst fear, ever since childhood was that I would die… or that someone I loved would die. I used to sit in my mother’s arms and cry because that crippling fear would seep into every crevice of my heart. I had no idea how to deal with it.

I was raised in the church. I was raised believing that “Christ is all I need”. I was raised as a Christian and therefore, I was told that I didn’t have to be held captive by fear.

But I couldn’t escape. No matter how hard I tried.

And believe me… I tried.

I would have done just about anything to be free from it. I tried prayer, quoting scripture, memorizing passages, posting verses in my room, talking about it to others, reading books on overcoming fear, etc. You name it… I probably tried it.

The only thing that seemed to work was the presence of my mom. When I was a freshman in high school my fear became so crippling that she would physically come upstairs every night – sit on the edge of my bed and pray with me until I was calm. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I still “needed” my mom at that age, but something about her prayers and presence calmed me.

Then the word cancer was spoken… and the life that I had always known slowly began to crumble.

The picture I had of my future began to shift as I realized that my mom wouldn’t be a part of it. My life had been the typical “perfect” American pseudo-Christian life up to that point. But then, I started to realize that death wasn’t just reserved for bad-guys in movies.

God knew that fear was my greatest struggle. He also knew that my mom was my greatest source of comfort. Why then, would he ever allow something as disastrous as her death to happen to me? This was the question that seemed to eat away at my mind day and night – especially in the dark months after my mom’s death.

However…after a short time, it was as if Jesus himself spoke into my heart:

“Do you not see that I am the source of your comfort? Your mom was the vessel that I used on all those dark nights when you felt so lost. The comfort that she brought to your heart was me working through her.”

God was the one who had brought that incredible peace to my soul… not my mom. For the first time in my life I realized that peace was not tied to a person or a circumstance. Christ was the source… and no one could ever take Him away from me.

What freedom this truth brought to my soul!

Once upon a time, I never thought I could live without my mom. And definitely not live a life of victory. I wouldn’t have either… aside from Christ. But what’s incredible is that God isn’t only the source of peace, but also the source of joy!

So even though this day, November 7^th is always challenging for me, it’s a day where I can look back in amazement at the incredible things that God has done through some extremely hard circumstances. Do I still miss her? Of course. Do I still wish I could call her when things are hard here at school? Yes. But the good news is that there is One who loves me even more than she ever did. He not only gives me strength to get through every day… but get through with joy – living victoriously in His promises.

Dear sister… He can move mightily in your life too if you choose to let Him. This is the greatest treasure that I have found: With Christ, in your darkest valleys you will find springs of joy.

~Emily Zerger - Evans Dorm Chaplain

Beautiful Things

Verse of the Week:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
- Ecclesiastes 3:11

Song of the Week:

Our God is a God of beauty. Clearly, the world all around us testifies to this truth. Even on days like this where I just want to snuggle into my chair with a blanket and a book because the weather is so poopy - even days like this are beautiful to God.

There are definitely days however, where I struggle to find the beauty in life.

It's sometimes hard for me to believe that God makes everything beautiful "in it's time".

When I'm depressed.

When I'm anxious.

When I feel as if I can't get up and go on with life.

Will He redeem these times? Does He make, even situations like ________ beautiful in His time? Do I trust Him enough to give him those times of depression, anxiety, and despair - so that He can do something beautiful with them?

If God can create a masterpiece in His image out of dust, surely He can create something beautiful out of me... even in my lowest times.

Whether you feel like you have it altogether or you know that your life is a mess - do you trust Him to create something beautiful with you?


~Emily Z.

We All Need Rescuing

Verse of the Week:

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

~ Colossians 1:13-14

Song of the Week: "Back At My Heart" by Natalie Grant

Several years ago, I was in a Bible study where we memorized all of Colossians 1 and 2. The second chapter was always a little sketchy, but several verses in the first chapter are permanently ingrained in my mind. The verse of the week is one of those verses that just seemed to stick.

I love the hope contained in this verse!

For He has rescued us...

He has rescued me!

Rescued me... from what?

... from the dominion of darkness...

Darkness.

Pain.

Failures.

Hopelessness.

Evil.



Darkness....




So what? If he's rescued me, what does that mean for me?

It means that he's brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves

The Son?

Christ.

...in whom we have redemption...

What's that?

... the forgiveness of sins.



Wait.

He loves me?

Enough to rescue me?

Yes.

Now comes the choice:

Will I allow him to be the healer of my heart?
Will I allow him to rescue me?
Will I allow him to pick up my broken pieces?

Again, the answer is yes.

Campbell... you're doomed.

Homecoming is HERE!

It's mid-week already... and this picture would simply equal cheesy dorm pride if we weren't in the lead over EVERY other DORM.

Yes.

That's correct Campbell. (Rest in Peace, because you've already LOST... heh heh... suckas....)

:]

The fashion show last night was totally epic - complete with nerds, bats, babies, grandma's, aliens, Woody... and several other amazing things that I would fail to describe in words because I just can't even begin to explain their awesomeness.

So basically, if you weren't there... we still love you... but you missed out on some life-changing stuff.

However, you do have a chance to redeem yourself by attending the other events that give points to our dorm this week:

Friday - PEP RALLY - 10:00am
VOLLEYBALL SUPPORT - Wear RED!!! ~ 7pm

Saturday - THE PARADE! ~ 9:30am


Ladies, if WE WIN this year, it will be the first time in a LONG time - so COME SUPPORT!

Plus, it'll just be a whole bunch of fun.... :)

PS... song and verse of the week will resume on Monday!


~Emily

What does love really mean?

Verse of the Week:

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." - Ephesians 2:4-5


Song of the Week: What Love Really Means by JJ Heller

I think that almost everyone comes to a point in their life where they question what love really means. We all search for it in various places. But all too often, we come up empty-handed.

Why is that?

Do we ever contemplate that we might be looking in the wrong place?

Picture this: What if everything you've ever done, said, and thought was projected onto a big screen for the entire world to see? What would people think of you? Would they love "you for you"? Or would they judge you for the person you really are?

Unfortunately, most of us wouldn't be able to look past the flaws and secret things that we all like to keep hidden from each other.

But there is one who sees us - exactly as we are - everything exposed... and He says:

... I will love you for you

Why is it that so many times we feel like we have to perform or behave in certain ways to get the love that we crave from people? Often this can transfer over into our relationship with God as well. Instead of being secure in His love for us, we feel like we have to do something to somehow earn the love that is already available to us.

God doesn't love us for what we've done, or who we've become - he simply looks at all of it and again says:

... I will love you for YOU.

Rejoice

Verse of the Week:

"Even though the fig trees are all destroyed, and there is neither blossom left nor fruit, and though the olive crops all fail, and the fields lie barren; even if the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation."

- Habakkuk 3:17-18

Song of the Week:

At first glance, the verse above didn't seem to be very relevant to my life. I mean, who cares if the fig trees are destroyed and the olive crops fail? If the flocks die and the cattle barns are empty... what does it matter to me?

But upon further pondering, I realized that if I would have been living during the time period when this verse was written, those circumstances would have been horrific! If my fields and flocks and olive trees were my livelihood, then it would basically be like saying "Though I'm going to die and there is no hope left whatsoever, I will rejoice in the Lord!"

So what about this present time? What about the circumstance that YOU are going through right now?

"Even though my class load is huge and my homework is piling up; and though anxiety and depression are weighing on my heart; and though I'm struggling with an eating disorder and I just found out someone I love has cancer; though I am having family issues and relationship issues... I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation."

Though I'm not currently struggling with all the things I mentioned above.... perhaps you can identify with a few of them?

Hopelessness is found in the circumstances that the writer describes in Habakkuk. That same hopelessness can often be found in the circumstances we face on a daily basis. It is easy to lose hope when we are caught in the midst of circumstances or trials we didn't expect.

But there is a method to this hopelessness: REJOICE.

What a simple command. Yet, I would say, one of the most difficult to obey.

This week's challenge: REJOICE.

Napping = Suicidal Thoughts

I'm in Philosophy this semester... so let me attempt to apply logic to this situation:

1. Napping = no homework getting done
2. No homework getting done = bad grades
3. Bad grades = Bad GPA
4. Bad GPA = No entrance into Grad School
5. No entrance into Grad school = Depression
6. Depression = Suicidal Thoughts

So basically I've concluded that napping = suicidal thoughts

(This is a good way for me to talk myself out of napping.)

Any other chronic nappers out there?

Come Home

Verse of the week:

"Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young - a place near your altar, Lord Almighty, my King and my God." ~ Psalm 84:3

Song of the week:

Whether we admit it or not... we're all searching for something.

Some find what they're looking for. Others seem to search their life away... never satisfied.

Regret was the one thing I didn't ever want to be very acquainted with.

But I am.

I regret many things. I regret the way I treated my sister growing up. I regret relationship decisions I've made. I regret the sinful choices I continue to make on a daily basis. I have regrets.

But the beauty of it all is that... it's never too late to turn around and run back home into the safe arms of the Father. We can run... but we can never outrun His grace.

Often times I feel too sinful to love. I feel too broken to be made beautiful. I feel too hopeless to make a difference.

But then I hear:
"Mercy doesn't care what you've done"

I want to come back from the shadows. I want to turn from the wrong roads, the darkness, and the unknown.

... where His beautiful redemption is waiting... for me to come home.

What I'm searching for... what you're searching for...

He can satisfy.

So come home.

It Just Takes One

Verse of the week:

"Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." ~ Romans 5:18-19


Song of the week:

One.

One man.

One place.

One choice.

One sin.

One.

One man.

One cross.

One sacrifice.

One gift.


Have you accepted this gift? Do you live as if you've accepted this gift? Just some thoughts. Praise God that the gift of His son doesn't compare to the weight of our sins and the filth that we have to shamefully take ownership of! Our righteousness comes from Christ's selfless act. That's it. There is no other reason besides God's mercy and great love for us that he chooses to make us holy through Christ.

We can't do it.

And honestly, I am so thankful that I don't have to do it on my own... because I know the one who can overcome.

Week 2

Verse of the Week:

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” ~ John 10:27-28

Song of the Week:

Security.

What an illusion it can be sometimes.

Just when we think we've got it all figured out, things sometimes change in ways that we aren't expecting. Either the noise of life get's too loud that we no longer notice the whisper, or we get to busy to just pause and be still in the midst of the chaos. Either way, aspects of life continue to move and change.

Through it all, there are some statements and promises that God makes throughout scripture. One of them is found in the verse of the week: "... no one can snatch them out of my hand." Isn't that a beautiful thought? No one can snatch me out of my God's hand if I am consistently striving to surrender everything and walk with Him.

Life is constantly shifting... but some things don't change: when we call His name... he never hesitates to wrap us in endless grace. He brings us back into his arms which is truly where we belong if we are really honest with ourselves.

So why is true security not frequently present? Why is the security we tend to find so often only an illusion that leads to brokenness and disappointment? I would venture to guess that it's because we're looking for our security in all the wrong places.

We are secure in the arms of Christ. Rest there this week.

You Are MORE

Verse of the Week:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." - II Corinthians 5:17

Song of the Week:

You are more than the choices that you make. Do you believe that? When was the last time that you made a bad choice? For me, it was today during the intense afternoon heat. I decided to wear a gray t-shirt. NOT so good of a choice on a HOT day, because by the time I was done taking pictures for CAB (Campus Activity Board - they're pretty awesome!) it was more than obvious that I had been sweating glistening.

Okay, so obviously this isn't the worst choice I've ever made in my life. I've made plenty of bad choices and sometimes it's easy to think that these choices define me. But according to God, I AM a new creation. The old part of me - all the bad choices and decisions that I've ever made - is gone.

Thanks to Christ... I've been remade.

Do I still mess up? Yes. Do I still sin and make bad choices? Of course.

The difference is that I am no longer a slave to the bad choices that I make because they don't have the power to define my future for me.

CHRIST defines me.

Are you living in slavery to your past mistakes? Step into the freedom that Christ offers from all your past failings.

You are a new creation. You've been remade.

E.E.

"Lord, be our Sun and Shield.
Shine on us, protect us as we seek to live and witness to your truth.
Forgive us(especially those of us who have never faced lions,
fire, or sword because of our faith)
for our fears of petty loss.
Remind us that it is in losing ourselves
that we find You."

~Elisabeth Elliot

Zergs & Ewalk Welcome YOU

If you're reading this... you had better be an Evans Woman! If not, well then you're just a little odd to be reading a blog dedicated to the wonderful women of Evans hall. I know we're cool and all, but seriously.

That's creepy.

So stop it.

On a brighter note: If you're a freshman, transfer, or returner this year at Sterling College - WELCOME! I'm so excited that you're here! I've met a few of you already... including two flamingos named Chico and Shaquan that live across the hall in room 129.

I guess I should probably tell all of you who I am since some of you don't know me yet. Whelp... my name is Emily Zerger, but everyone just calls me Zergs on this campus. I really have no idea who first came up with the name or why it stuck, but it did. It also makes it easy because I'm rooming with another Emily - Emily Walker - who goes by Ewalk.

So now, just by bringing to mind Toy Story and Star Wars you can remember both of our names.

EPIC.

Or just weird. You decide.


As the dorm chaplain for Evans hall, a typical question that I get is "Uhhh... what does the chaplain do?"

The short answer is that my job can't be put concisely into one or two sentences, because chaplains do different things based on the year.

Honestly, I'm just like you. The only difference is that I'm open to discussions about really anything: God, relationships, family, guys, struggles, etc. - and that I keep everything confidential. Along with being a spiritual support to the RA's, I'm also here for all of you women and welcome your presence in my room or over a cup of coffee.

Some things to look forward to this year:

1) Weekly scripture posts

2) Contests and fun prizes throughout the year

3) Random happenings around Sterling College that are interesting enough to blog about.... :)


This post has already gone far too long, so I think I'll end it... but look for the scripture of the week on Monday morning!

I hope you all are as excited about this online community of Evans women as I am!

And remember... these posts are for YOU, so tell me what YOU want to hear about. :)

~Em (Zergs)